For the uninformed masses, John Mayer is a singer-songwriter best known for his singles like “No Such Thing (As the Real World)” and “Waiting on the World to Change.”

John desperately wants to eschew his pop artist image, often telling his audience to ”ditch your pop sensibilities” as he attempts to do his best Clapton on stage. John Mayer, anti-pop culture hero, is also famous for dating reality show celebrity Jessica “I don’t eat buffalo” Simpson. Reportedly, they have a volatile on-again, off-again relationship.

 

 

John Mayer: Sensitive artist or poster boy for Reefer Madness?

 

 “Well, 23 is old! It’s almost 25 which is almost mid-twenties.” ~Jessica Simpson

Thanks for giving Britney a break, Jess.

Last weekend, after breaking up with Ms. Simpson (and getting back together the very next day), John appeared at a New York City comedy club and made his debut as a stand-up comic.  During the set, which numerous media outlets have described as “misogynistic,” “racist” and simply, “bad,” John referenced a song by Carrie Underwood, titled “Before He Cheats.” I’ve posted the lyrics below.

Right now, he’s probably slow dancing with a bleach-blonde tramp

And she’s probably getting frisky.

Right now, he’s probably buying her some fruity little drink

‘Cause she can’t shoot whiskey.

Right now, he’s probably up behind her with a pool stick

Showing her how to shoot a combo.

And he don’t know…

That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive

Carved my name into his leather seats.

I took a Louisville Slugger to both headlights

Slashed a hole in all 4 tires.

Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats.

Right now, she’s probably up singing some white-trash version

Of Shania karaoke.

Right now, she’s probably saying, “I’m drunk,”

And he’s thinking that he’s gonna get lucky.

Right now, he’s probably dabbing on 3 dollars’ worth

Of that bathroom Polo

And he don’t know…

That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive

Carved my name into his leather seats.

I took a Louisville Slugger to both headlights

Slashed a hole in all 4 tires

Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats.

I might’ve saved a little trouble for the next girl

‘Cause the next time that he cheats

Oh, you know it won’t be on me.

 

 

Good ole’ Johnny Boy. According to people.com, Mr. Mayer described the song as “basically a woman, for 4½ minutes, just abusing the s–t out of a guy.” He then went on to mock the song in a falsetto, changing the chorus to “Maybe he’s not cheating. Maybe he kind of broke up with you and you’re not hearing it.”

 

This is all fine and dandy. It’s not humorous in my opinion, as far as stand up goes, but I suspect that his lack of humor doesn’t faze John in the least, as long as he continues to have a soapbox -er, stage- that he can step on to lash out his “routine.”

 

My contention is with his argument that “as a male songwriter he can’t get as aggressive in songs as female singers can (from people.com).”

 

Before I get into arguing against this statement, I want to say upfront that in some respects, I agree with him one hundred percent. He is absolutely correct in that if he came out with a male version of the song “Before He Cheats,” there would most certainly be a backlash. I highly doubt that Top 40 radio stations would broadcast a song about a man destroying his cheating-or-ex-girlfriend’s property.

 

I disagree, however, that male songwriters can’t get aggressive as their female counterparts in songs. Certainly they find ways beyond lyrically destroying property to get aggressive in their music. And along with that, there are also songs that men can get away with that would never be acceptable if a woman attempted to take that route. I’ve come up with a few examples countering Mr. Mayer’s argument.

 

Exhibit 1. The Name Game: Bitches and Hos

 

There are a few genres of music left in this world that are wide open for songwriters who want to lash out at their girlfriends or simply want to air their misogynistic ranting to the masses. Obviously, there is rap. While I have numerous artists I could reference here, I decided to narrow it down to a fellow Michigan native, Eminem.

 

 

 

While most popular artists post lists

of favorite hobbies on their fansites,

Em keeps a list of his current enemies.

 

Among many, many other disturbing songs, Eminem wrote a little love ditty for his on-again, off-again wife. Titled simply, “Kim,” Em tells a story about tying his wife up, throwing her in the trunk of his car, and then slashing her throat. The song ends with him yelling “Bleed Bitch Bleed!”

 

Now, if Mr. Mayer doesn’t yet feel comfortable blueprinting his significant other’s murder in a song, then he could certainly find an outlet for his anger toward a cheating ex by loading a song with “bitch” and “ho” references. Nothing makes a rapper sound more masculine then when he’s talking about his bitch, his ho, or his gold-digging mistress.

 

Another genre of music that has its share of misogynistic song lyrics is country (also Ms. Underwood’s genre of choice). Here, I will refer to the one and only Toby Keith, that Dixie-Chicks hatin’, war-supportin’, kick-them-immigrants-out-with-my-boots-so-we-can-be-pure-blooded-US-of-A-citizens, himself.

 

 

 

He’s in a cowboy hat, in a bar, with a bulldog.

You can’t get more masculine than that.

 

In the song aptly titled, “Who’s Your Daddy?” Mr. Keith seems to tread a fine line between misogyny and may I suggest, incest. In the song, TK is propositioning a woman who may or may not be his daughter. I’d rather not go into more detail with this, as I don’t want to pass judgment on such a fine southern gentleman. He explains in the song, “I’ve got the money / you’ve got the honey / let’s cut a deal / let’s make a plan / who’s your daddy / who’s your baby / who’s your buddy / who’s your man / you’re lookin’ right / you’re lookin’ good / lookin’ like a woman should.”

 

Lovely. Now if I may, I’m going to roll the wheelbarrow to the side for a moment so we can take a look at another example.

 

One of the most aggressive songs about women that I’ve heard is from the rock genre. Now, I could reference a few different songs here, notably The Rolling Stones’s “Under My Thumb,” which celebrates male domination over women. However, I’ve chosen to go forward with yet another Michigander, Kid Rock.

 

Kid has a song called “Wax the Booty,” in which he first asks a woman if she “stank” down there, then after deciding she is worthy enough to sleep with him, refers to her as a dog and even has her barking throughout the song as he asserts himself in what he feels is a masculine, dominant fashion. He also extends a message to all women who feel that there’s more on this earth than having sex with him (due to his language, I’m paraphrasing here): go home, watch TV with your granny, you must be a brain-dead lesbian.

 

I really can’t blame him. Who wouldn’t want to sleep with this?

 

 

 

Another cowboy hat. I won’t say anymore.

It’s just too easy.

 

 

Exhibit 2. Hey Ladies: Throw the Butter, Don’t Spread It

 

Now that I’ve thrown a few examples out there showing that while men may not be able to perform songs like “Before He Cheats,” they can certainly still show aggression toward women in music using sexual violence and domination, along with demeaning slurs. I’m not encouraging this anymore than I would encourage someone to beat the s–t out their ex’s car for revenge.

 

I would now like to explore my other argument, the double-edged sword. While there are some songs that women can sing that aren’t socially allowed for men, there are also songs that men can perform that are not acceptable for women.

 

I’ll start with my favorite Michigan native, the Incredible Mrs. Ritchie.

 

 

 

The Rise of Madge: Like a Virgin, Indeed.

 

I know what you’re thinking—Madonna’s from Michigan? Yes, I know her affected British accent may have fooled you but the truth is, it’s fake. So is that New Yoik accent that seems to take over when she’s in the States for any given amount of time. The truth is she grew up in Rochester, Michigan, not Manchester, England, and she has the same old Midwestern inflections as the rest of us Michiganders.

 

When Madonna had the cojones to announce her presence in this world by writhing around in what can only be described as a punk-rock wedding gown singing “Like a Virgin” on the fledgling MTV network (you know, when they used to show music videos), many people assumed she’d be a one-hit wonder.

 

Twenty-five years later, she’s still here, much to the delight of some and dismay of many others. A lot of feminists believe that Madonna was the biggest single step back for the women’s movement since Barbie.

 

I beg to differ. I believe Madonna’s influence in the music world, and in the women’s movement, to be utterly monumental. Her songs “Like a Virgin,” “Like a Prayer,” and “Express Yourself,” among others, were a direct challenge to the world. She took complete ownership of her sexuality. She paved the way for other female artists to be more open about their sexuality, without being passive or apologetic.

 

However, in the early 90s, people grew weary with her in-your-face stances, and the poorly-timed double release of her Erotica album and her graphic Sex book stalled her career for a short time, and resulted in a backlash against overtly sexual female singers. Note the rise in popularity of alternative and indie rock. Granted, I love Sarah McLachlan and Tori Amos, and they are both incredibly sexual, passionate singers but they lacked the theatrics of Madonna. Neither would be threatened with arrest after publicly masturbating during a show.

 

Women’s aggression in music quietly boiled until another singer brought it to the surface.

 

 

 

Dark, brooding, rage: Who knew the song was

about that goofy Full House guy?

 

Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know” was released on Madonna’s Maverick label, and the angst-y, angry gates flooded open. With all of the wild success, she was still stuck with that unpleasant “man-hater lesbian” label that was also given to Madonna, and any other woman who had the nerve to speak out aggressively against men or embrace her sexuality.

 

While it seems to be borderline acceptable for a woman to write a song about bashing up her cheating boyfriend’s car (as long as it appears tongue-in-cheek trashy, like in a country song), we still don’t live in a society that is comfortable with a woman owning her sexuality. Obviously, singers like Madonna and Alanis are still around, but they certainly faced their fair share of backlash. A woman cannot sing a song about sleeping around and be respected for it like a man, just like a man would be seen as violent for smashing up his ex’s car while a woman can make an anthem out of it. If Mr. Mayer attempted to cross that line, he could break barriers, but there’s always a fear that the backlash would destroy his career. So it comes down to what’s more important to him–testing the waters against our cultural sexual prejudice or taking the safer route with his career. And in the bigger picture, do we really want it to be acceptable for a man to refer to women as whores? Or for women to destroy a man’s property? If we’re going to push the limits on cultural acceptance, maybe we need to go much deeper than “if it’s ok for her, then it should be ok for him.”

 

Coming Soon: Why Wal-Mart Depends on Stacy “Fergie” Ferguson to Maintain Ignorance Among the Masses