The other day my brother and I were having a discussion about the guy who does the voiceovers for the VISA commericals. We agreed that he sounds incredibly condescending and this most likely carries over into his personal life. Can you imagine the pickup lines this guy uses? He probably picks the hottest woman in the bar, and has a drink sent over to her. She accepts the drink, and turns away from the bar to find out what the guy looks like. Some cocky-looking bastard starts making his way over to her, and she rolls her eyes and heaves a big sigh.

He sidles up next to her, his elbow leaning against the bar. “Hey pretty lady,” he says, taking care to use his deepest, manliest-sounding radio voice, “you are one lucky woman.” He puffs out his chest, takes a look around the room, and then moves in close to her ear. She gives him the shoulder in disgust. Undeterred, he leans in and says, “buying a drink for a pretty woman…$4.75. Going home with the hottest guy in the room? Priceless.”

Unfortunately, the woman will most likely recognize his voice because like most of us, she is getting ads thrown at her from every direction, and one can’t help but recognize a few here or there.

I, for one, hate radio commercials with a passion. I want to know who is tossing bucket loads of money at these ad executives, and how I can get in on the action. With every study of every demographic of a demographic that can be done, why is it that ad execs still don’t have a frickin’ clue as to how to represent an age group, or sex, or race as a whole? McDonalds, for example, decided in recent years to get away from the family oriented image and give their ads a more “urban” feel. To appeal to this “urban” demographic, they chose an African-American woman with an afro to nod her head along to the beat of rap music as she carries a bag of McDonalds down a busy city sidewalk. Apparently, to McDonalds, all African-Americans have ‘fros, listen to rap and live in heavily graffittied areas.

But I have to say, the most ludicrous ad campaign that I’ve seen McDonalds pull out of their ass is during the Olympics. Because all Olympians down a Big Mac before hitting the slopes or doing flips on the uneven bars.

On the radio this morning, I heard a commerical for a help-wanted agency. The ad was geared toward employers who may have a hard time finding office help. The scenario that was set up was a man who was tired of his receptionist not knowing how to use the intercom button on the phone. So the commerical consists of a woman screaming “Mr. D! A client is here to see you!”

First of all, I don’t know where the ad company did their research, because the last time I checked, the unemployment rate is terrifyingly high here in the United States, especially in Michigan. I don’t know why the ad company thought the right angle for their pitch would be to target employers who just can’t seem to find any help. My next issue with the commercial is that I didn’t realize that in all the demographic research that ad companies claim to painstakingly do, the number one complaint among employers was that their office help can’t figure out how to use the intercom. I don’t know why an employer would feel the need to hire and train new staff simply because he or she couldn’t take two minutes out of their time to direct their employee where the button labeled “intercom” is on the telephone.

And finally, who in god’s name thought it would be a great idea to create an ad of a woman screaming repeatedly into a telephone, and then air it during a morning show? I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m not fond of hearing a woman screaming in a high-pitched, nasally voice five minutes after I’ve woken up in the morning. I might as well just have my alarm set to Fran Drescher’s voice. “Waaaake up, sleepyhead!”

I could go on and on, but I’m in a hurry today so I’ll just end with the worst culprit, in my opinion: radio commericals that suddenly play the sound of a car horn honking. Like an auto repair shop commerical. As I’m driving to work in the morning, absorbed in my thoughts, it’s really jarring to suddenly hear a horn honking and then realize it’s on the radio. I’d be willing to bet that somewhere out there, someone has a gotten into an accident due to being startled by that damn commerical.

I’m sure someday in the near future I will be driving in my car and suddenly hear a McDonald’s commerical geared toward vegetarians or the starving children in Africa.